Owning who you are

Owning who you are sounds a lot better than telling someone to love themselves; loving yourself is pretty broad to me. When you own who you are, you are completely aware of your wants, needs, desires, flaws, successes and you take full responsibility + make the best of it. I was 100% sure that I loved myself, over the years my self esteem has been pretty high. Lately with many different things happening in my life, it seemed like nothing I did was making me truly happy nor giving me motivation to go through my days though i'm pretty good at encouraging myself, that wasn't enough. Everything I did was out of a habit, I didn't want to go to half of the places I went to or do half of the things I did because it felt purposeless. Finally, I got tired of feeling this way and I tried to get to the root of the problem and searched my heart. I sat myself down and decided to write down things that made me happy, made a list of things I wanted to accomplish and things I found a passion for. I started reading on ways I could improve myself or the reasoning behind why I felt half of what I felt, and at that moment I embarked the journey that many call "Self Love". I wanted to feel joy everyday not just experience momentary happiness & to achieve that, I had to own who I was.

I could've easily stayed feeling the same way, waiting for someone to bring happiness to my life but that my friends, is never safe. Owning who you are means taking control of what you feel and doing something about it or not doing anything at all and being completely okay with YOUR decisions. You don't wait around and wait for a job, a person, or anything else to bring happiness because everything you need is already within you.

Every time we hear "self love" the things that follow are working out and looking beautiful...If you didn't already know, what you look on the outside does not symbolize a happy heart. The most beautiful people may be dealing with the worst heartache or loneliness. Having a nice body and looking great is an outcome of self love but it's not the meaning. Self love is not a desperate need to be better, look better or be more deserving than others. It's having a mindset that encourages you, that pushes you when times get tough, that forgives yourself for mistakes, that takes care of you first (body, mind & spirit). It's reaching a place of control over your emotions and thoughts. It's more than just feeling good about yourself, it's a deep appreciation for yourself.

A couple of days ago I saw a video on Instagram where a man was saying that we don't make our passions or things that bring us joy a priority. With everything that life brings we focus more on what we have to do rather than what we want to do. We often put the excuse of "not having enough time in the day" which I couldn't be any more guilty of! However, he said that what he did was wake up a couple of hours earlier in the morning to do what HE wanted to do. Not the to do list he had already planned for the day, but to actually do something he loved that he never had time for. Everything he had to do during the day was important but because HIS HAPPINESS was also as important he made time to include it in his day. When I started doing more of the things that I loved, my days seemed so much better and it started bringing back that joy I had lost somewhere along the road. It even ignited love for other things that I didn't love before, but that's because I was so much happier doing things that I became more productive in other areas.

1. The number one key to starting a life full of joy is starting your day being grateful. I cannot tell you guys enough how much this changed the course of my day! It did not matter what I was feeling, if it was raining or sunny, if I was tired or energetic. As soon as I opened my mouth and thanked God for another day, for the opportunity to enjoy life, it changed everything.

1. Many times when we are stressed out we turn to things that only give us joy for a moment, whether it's drinking, partying, watching hours of t.v, too much time on the phone or anything else in excess. There comes a point we lose all sense of self control and we do these things constantly, meaning you no longer control how long you'll watch t.v for, you no longer control how much you drink, you no longer control all the donuts your eating. Those desires begin to control you and eat away at you. For me it definitely is between eating sweets and over analyzing everything, I can most definitely live without these two things. Donuts are nice to have once in a while & analyzing things to a certain extent isn't bad but they are consuming my time/money that I could be using elsewhere. We have to remember to act on what we need not want by turning away from something good, fun, & exciting to what we need to stay strong, focused and moving forward in life. Are the opinions of others controlling you? Stop trying to impress people by turning into someone you are not or becoming a perfectionist trying to please people. Too often we care more about what others think and say rather than what WE think. If you're not sure of yourself inside, you'll seek validation outside. If you don't already feel good about who you are, you will live compliment to compliment and it will never be enough.

1. Like I said at the beginning of this post; owning who you are is knowing what you like, what you want, what you feel,how you talk to yourself. If your inner voice is always negative, it's about time you start changing that around and talking to yourself with love. Forgive yourself and accept the fact that you are not perfect . Don't be so hard on yourself when you make a mistake, they are all lessons learned.Always declare positive things or place encouraging quotes in places you'll see them. If you start thinking "ugh, i"m so tired, I don't want to do any work today your day will reflect that, but if you go past what you feel and declare the opposite; " I am so energized, i'm going to get so much done today" your day will be completely different.

1. Don't Compare yourself to others. Many times, people will only share their highlights and not their struggles. Sometimes what we most want, isn't want we really need & when you begin to love yourself, you stop craving a different life because you are too busy loving yours. " The love you feel in life is a reflection of the love you feel in yourself" - Deepak Chopra.

1. Have fun! When "adulting" takes over we tend to push "fun" to the bottom of the list. However, you have to set time for adventure and relaxation because you matter and you deserve to have fun.

1. Set Boundaries by being able to say no to things you don't want to do. Say no to the job you don't like, activities or love that harm you physically, emotionally or spiritually. Be clear on things you will accept and won't accept in your life and stand firm on those decisions. Protect yourself by bringing the right people into your life. Those who reflect your own self respect and reputation.

1. Find your essence. What makes you passionate and makes you feel energized? What makes you feel a sense of accomplishment or sense of purpose? Is it painting, drawing, playing a sport, gym, cooking, museums, giving advice; whatever it is go after it, make the time!

1. Lastly, Live each day, day by day. Don't think too much about the future. Take it one day at a time. Be truly present in every moment. Sometimes, like me, we just go through the motions and don't give significance to the time we have still alive. We spend it worried about other things that we don't take time to enjoy what is happening now. Sometimes when I'm starting to get caught up in planning my future I bring myself back down to earth by asking myself , if I didn't even live to achieve those plans, would I be happy with the life I've lived so far? Am I too busy to enjoy it now waiting to enjoy it in a future I might not have? That's why happiness and love isn't a destination, it is a never ending journey.

Oscar Wilde said " To love oneself, is the beginning of a lifetime Romance" Meaning that loving yourself isn't a destination, it requires everyday practice. The love that we need the most is already inside of us. Love from others can only make you happy if it expands on or reflects your own self love. That's why you often hear the phrase " you can't love others until you love yourself". You can't unconditionally love someone if you are dependent on them for happiness or loving them because they fill a void. You end up putting a huge demand of the other person that if they don't fulfill it you end up feeling disappointed. It takes practice to train yourself to look at what is going RIGHT in your life vs what is going wrong but you will get there. It all comes down to the choices you make every day. Think about everything you would do for a friend or a family member, now do the same unto yourself. You are worthy of being loved by you the same way you love and care for others. Let the choices you make reflect the love that you have for yourself.

Now I can say that with the little time that i've applied the advice above, I've seen a big difference with how I feel, how I wake up, how I interact with others. It's a continuous cycle of getting to know myself and the desires of my heart and working towards what I want to see in my life not just waiting around to hopefully have it one day. Stop dreaming and start making things a reality for yourself. It's such a bold move and it comes with many risks but everything is a lesson learned. God often will put situations in our life to mold us into the person we need to be in order to get to live out our dream so don't stop being grateful of where you are. Appreciate the process and love yourself like never before. Don't wait around for other people to have time to do things that make YOU happy, just do it by yourself. Begin to live for yourself and not for others. Worry about your well being first because when you are overflowing with goodness you will spill on those around you.

#selflove #love